As a tailgate parent—a term describing those of us who support our children from the sidelines due to divorce or separation—the big moments often bring the most pain. This weekend, my daughter Mariah's college graduation triggers that familiar dread. Despite the festive occasion, I'm left wondering: Will she even receive the graduation wishes I sent?
The Persistent Barrier of Parental Alienation
In the world of tailgate parents, our role is often marginalized by systemic barriers and personal conflicts. "Tailgate" conjures images of a barrier that can be opened or removed. Yet, for us, it symbolizes a permanent divide, one that slides us out with the slightest nudge, mirroring the bureaucratic forces that push us to the margins.
Will Mariah receive the congratulatory card, the texts, or the modest floral bouquet I overnighted to her campus address? Or will these tokens of love vanish, swallowed up by the chasm between us?
Her father, acting as gatekeeper, uses his influence to deepen the divide. He blocks my communications and spreads deceitful narratives, turning every attempt to connect into another reason for Mariah to resent me.
Understanding Tailgate Children
"Tailgate children" are those like Mariah who navigate their parents' contentious separations. Unlike their peers who encounter the justice system and receive societal support, tailgate children often cope with minimal recognition or assistance. They grow up witnessing and silently enduring the conflicts that keep them from fully experiencing parental love.
"Wherever news breaks, it's so important to always remember that lives are changed."
- ABC News Live Prime Linsey Davis
It's how trapped families like ours exist - in a perpetual haunted house of "parental alienation" mind games. Ghosted kids automatically rejecting the shunned mom or dad. Case-swapping court files. Mail-swapping physical gifts and letters. Harmful face swaps depicting us in fake, compromising videos spread to their peers. Dennison (2017) argues that "parental alienation is a form of child abuse." It's all sick ammunition in a forever war between exes that trade the same psychological shrapnel back and forth.
In the international context, this issue of 'tailgating' can be even more pronounced, with physical borders adding to the emotional distances. Research indicates that parental alienation can have significant negative impacts on children's emotional well-being (Miralles et al., 2021). Families caught in these cross-national custody battles often witness their children growing up as silent spectators to the conflicts that separate them from a parent's affection.
HANGRI PE
When she was younger, my daughter Mariah dubbed her condition "HANGRI psychological exile" and even established a Facebook page under the same name where her peers could share their stories for some relief. This condition impacts her emotionally and mentally—eating, playing with her pet, or posting on social media triggers these feelings of psychological exile (PE). She experiences PE during everyday activities like looking in the mirror or dining at her favorite restaurant.
PE, with or without a defined scale, is a prevalent issue affecting one in every two children in the U.S. associated with divorce or parental separation. However, this condition should not be a fixed and enduring burden for them, akin to suffering with a broken arm in solitude. It affects not only those directly suffering from PE but also those around them indirectly.
The Role of AI in Family Law: A Double-Edged Sword?
As we embrace the digital age, the integration of AI into family law shows immense potential. AI can streamline the drafting of, and filing or e-filing systems legal documents and responses, potentially easing the adversarial nature of family law. However, this raises a crucial question: Will AI merely replicate existing biases and conflicts, or can it truly represent the interests of children often left voiceless in these disputes?
Addressing Parental Alienation in the Digital Age
Today's technological advancements present new challenges in family dynamics. The rise of social media abuse, deepfake technology, and other forms of digital manipulation extend the reach of psychological harm in unprecedented ways. Platforms like LearnCoparentLinks.ai offer new hope by quantifying the psychological impact of these dynamics, providing a "PE" (Psychological Exile) score akin to meteorological ratings for storms. The relentless pace of technological evolution threatens to leave us vulnerable to even more insidious forms of manipulation and alienation, heightening the urgency to stay informed and equipped to protect ourselves and our loved ones from being irreversibly marginalized.
Advancing Solutions and Engaging the Community
To support tailgate children and their families, I am launching a petition titled, "Support the Development of the PE Scale to Protect Children from Cyber Harm." This initiative, along with educational courses from ProgramTimier.com, aims to empower parents and professionals dealing with parental alienation.
Furthermore, we're promoting Program Timier's exclusive courses like the "8-Dimensional Cyber-Crypto Secure Program" and "Embrace CoParent Dreams: Nurturing Connections Through Remote Coparent Links." These initiatives are crucial in equipping us with the tools necessary to overcome the challenges presented by modern technological threats and psychological alienation.
How You Can Help
By signing this petition, you advocate for broader access to the PE scale, enabling device users worldwide to understand and mitigate the impacts of psychological exile. Your support will help us secure additional funding and partnerships necessary for this research, promoting a safer, more connected world for children separated from their families due to custody disputes and beyond.
Conclusion: A Call to Unity
As I send off another congratulatory note to Mariah, I cling to hope. Emerging AI and data efforts could soon render the manipulative games that separate families like ours obsolete. By advocating for informed voices and recognizing the PE scale, we can ensure that expressions of parental love, like my simple graduation wishes, reach their intended recipients, untainted by conflict.
Together, we can illuminate the struggles of tailgate parents and ensure no heartfelt message is lost in the fray.
References:
Dennison, H. (2017, February 23). The form of child abuse known as parental alienation. Divorce Magazine. https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/how-mental-health-professionals-view-parental-alienation
Miralles, P., Godoy, C., & Hidalgo, M. D. (2021, November 25). Long-term emotional consequences of parental alienation exposure in children of divorced parents: A systematic review - current psychology. SpringerLink. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-021-02537-2