CLU Outreach Opening Day - A Step by Step Guide For Starting a New CLU Location in a Previous "Nixed Network"
United CLU Parents - We serve Jesus, the unequal, and unrepresented (or under-represented) parents and now arrive in Owensboro, Kentucky.
On November 19, 2021, CLU openly held its first support group meeting in Smother's Park. The turn-out was low like normal, but the prayers and help were just that much more meaningful. And our motto anyway is "champions for children." So, it's not about us. The goal is for every child to have a family. It's all about facilitating those nuclear family connections. Which fits our mission of strengthening or reuniting children with their parents. And also fulfills our vision of clean (data) law. Specifically, organic performance data.
A parent began easing into a relationship with CLU Co-Founder Aaron Wemple by email a few months ago. We'll leave that parent's name out here because of ongoing litigations, but the chain of emails expressed a deep appreciation for what CLU has been doing, and need to find out if that isolated parent could start developing a hub in Owensboro. (Also, a trial date in family court was coming up on November, 19, 20201 and they wanted some prayers and support if possible at family court. Our mission field.) They saw the improved lives children have and the difference CLU makes for parents who can't know the system.
Our team needed to make this encounter successful. So, the plan was to ease into the first meeting at court incrementally. Not having any specific agenda prepared, but to listen and to see what was going on that day in court. And then, worry about the meeting later.
We just need to be a figurative walking stick at first during this particular storm. Having available our exclusive safety seat for kids during the life-wreck. Or, as we say at our first hub in Decatur, IL, we can't stop the industrial steamroller, just hold a parent's figurative hand while the pressure is on.
Before this first meeting, the parent who sent the email had a lot of questions. "What if I lose and don't get the 50/50 shared parenting time with my son that my attorney is asking for? What if my ex wins and I only get the 70/20 split that her attorney is asking for? What if our son gets hurt too bad and we mess up his life?"
These are questions no one can answer upfront. Nor, should we try. The only option from a peer's perspective is organic, performance-oriented data to help and aid in answering those questions. I wanted to tell him the story of my own experience. But, it just wasn't the right time or place. Communicating those concerns in the form of support witnesses and evidence may be the only option in that space.
The next step of our encounters with new people is to observe that parent's style. We all dress differently, speak differently, and address our problems differently. And we all experience anxiety differently. And we all respond to the help to relieve those anxieties differently. It's sometimes hard to share some of those burdens that go with the territory.
Although this first meeting was in a controlled environment, the best way to help people find their solutions to their problems may have to be determined later at our meeting.
Speech, for example. The new parent had a southern accent. I probably have an accent from Illinois. Could we relate to each other well enough to help at the moment? That has to be developed later in a fitting environment. There's a lot to consider when scaling and starting a new CLU.
Communications
Before we get into the backstory of the trial associated with this outreach, it's important to know more about communicating. Communications are such a vital part to any ministry, family law negotiation, pre-trial, trial, and post-trial that it deserves much more discussion.
The narrator for CLU commercials and I are working on a podcast dedicated to communicating with confidence. So, I'll add that video later. But for now, a lot of people experience anxiety. Especially when trying to think about an ex. Let alone negotiate. This is a major problem and another resource CLU offers.
Those communication barriers can be personal. Like involving our children, baby-setters, etc. Or the anxieties can be escalated like trying to communicate with authorities, etc. Barriers to communications can even be in the form of technology when hearings are virtual and filings are digital. Peers helping peers self-develop in the complete area of communications is vital. Not only for a fair immediate deal but those resulting contracts and/or orders which are inevitably permanent. It's like Proverbs 18-21 that puts it this way: "The tongue has the power of life and death." Those hunger teeth of communication barriers, however, well, can leave a lasting mark if we don't communicate in the way our audience expects. That's why appropriate communications are more important today than ever before.
On the flip-side of this parent in Kentucky's case, easing into the encounter successful, the new friendship could be met with resistance from the other party. Sometimes, as supporting peers, we even find ourselves burdened with accusations against us.
Any hasty decisions to deal with us in the short term can become strategic errors for both sides, both biological parents, in the long run. So responding to opposing thoughts and accusations need not end up that way. Being prepared for each stage of this process of ministering and negotiating is the best way for both parents to avoid serious mistakes and to present the family with the information they need to make not only informed decisions but eventually premium quality decisions with our help.
Peerless
A community effort like this peer group has always started with disgruntled people. People who enduring long, comprehensive struggles some call "networking nixed." Being nixed means to be refused, rejected, vetoed, cancelled, or never allowed. Disgruntled parents like CLU peers who routinely reach out to us and learn how to become a hub of new beginnings in their communities.
Sometimes, collaborations of the previously peerless group, starts when a new case starts. CLU starts with the human side (as opposed to systemic side) of data. Sometimes when an old deal lingers far too long a new group is deemed safer. Or, when the nixing is too broad and too wide, it can be for survival. And still, sometimes yet, when lives are lost a new group can end up being a comfort, a safety net here for the grieving family and friends.
Sharing Testimony and Ministry
It never seems appropriate to try and answer people's questions for them. It's Biblical to share our testimony of what we've been through personally, and to minister from the words of Jesus Christ. But it's also critical for people to discover their own solutions to their own problems when they can. That leads to their own unique testimony and special ministry.
Learning how to find your own unique solutions in life can be a gift. A sweat blessed from God that keeps on giving (Also, if the court has to decide on a problem, peers shouldn't go out on a limb as far offering pre-conceived "solutions").
Getting back to the reason why we were here in the first place. It was almost time for court that day in Owensboro, and there was just one basic question I needed to ask this new parent before trial. The state of Kentucky had passed a bill creating temporary joint custody and equal parenting time for parents. The bill was aimed at fostering a 50/50 equal opportunity for both parents. I said, "I know this case has been going on for over 5 years, but has that new statute had any effects on your visitations with your son so far?"
The parent said, "No. I haven't had any visits with my son except once a month for a while. And then once in a while when it's convenient."
But, this gentleman continued, "Which is odd. Because the law we had to share something like a dollar bill, you could bet people would be on it."
The gentleman continued having obviously given thar a lot of thought. "My legal gal is great She says that the absence of money shouldn't just work for some. It should work for everyone. I think she's on top of it?"
Which a witness said seems like a really good point. she thought about it out loud. "The absence of money shouldn't just work for some. It should work for everyone."
She continued in that line of though and though again out loud, "The same could be said about social standings. The absence of social standing shouldn't just work for some. It should work for everyone equally." She went on. "The absence of emotional stability in these situations shouldn't work for some. It should work for everyone equally."
Then together we had one of those "Ah! Ha!" moments. She said, "Because think about it, who in all these cases and all these states have the most absence of money,? The most absent social standing, and the most absent emotional ability?"
We all looked at each other and said, "The kids!"
The Verdict
Well, let's just say the final verdict after this "trial" was less of an answer for everyone involved and more of a question. Less of a decision and more lingering questions.
In the book of Acts, Paul experiences a lot of circular trials over his ministry. But, at the end of the book, there were never any verdicts about whether or not he should be put to death for his teachings.
Paul was wrongfully accused by the Jews for preaching the resurrection of Jesus and this spirit of god (Acts 4:2-3). Long story short, in the book of Acts, Pa